Pat Robertson's Advice To Man With Marital Woes: Become A Muslim And Beat Her

How do the producers of the 700 Club continue to allow Pat Robertson to give advice?

“Well you could become a Muslim and beat her," said Robertson. "I don’t think we condone wife-beating these days but something has got to be done.”

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Pat Robertson: Democrats Are The 'Party Of Gays, Godlessness And Whatever Else'

It's gotten to the point that it would be newsworthy if Pat Robertson didn't say something completely insane in his broadcast. He's a broken record of bigotry, senility, and illogic.

That being said, Robertson is downright outraged that the Democratic platform openly embraces marriage equality and the right to abortion.

Robertson, speaking on The 700 Club:

Back in the 1850s or 60s there was a charge that one party was the party of rum, Romanism and rebellion. I don’t know what you label the Democrats now but it’s the party of gays, godlessness and whatever else. I mean, same-sex marriage is in the platform, they want to go along with that as a right, I’m just astounded.
…
They can’t defend it and you ask yourself, you’re going to go before the American people and that’s going to be the face they’re going to present to America. You have insulted the Catholic Church with your rules, you have insulted right-to-work states, you have insulted certain union groups with your stand on the pipeline and now you’re going after God, it makes no sense but that’s what they want to do.

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Evangelist Claims To Have 200,000 People Who Will Write In Jesus For President

Via Christian Post:

An Internet evangelist who is advocating that Christians vote for Jesus as a write-in candidate says he has more than 200,000 people who have committed to do so. However, a political science expert believes the evangelist's demonizing rhetoric about both candidates is not Christ-like.

You may recall Bill Keller. He's the guy who launched an attack against Joel Osteen and Franklin Graham for promoting Mitt Romney and failing to expose Mormonism as a cult.

It appears that perhaps Keller is not thrilled with his choices this election cycle.

"It is literally Satan flipping a two-headed coin with his head on both sides. How can a Christian in good conscience vote for President Obama, who has proven to be the most pro-baby killing, pro-radical homosexual, pro-enemy of Israel President in our nation's history," Keller stated in a "Vote for Jesus" campaign update.

"On the other hand, how can a Christian in good conscience vote for Mitt Romney, a 5th generation member and priest of the Satanic Mormon cult," he added. "His Presidency would give his cult the mainstream acceptance they have always wanted since being founded 200 years ago by a documented con-artist, racist, pedophile, polygamist, and murderer named Joseph Smith."

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Robertson: The Bible Was 'Terribly Wrong' About Slavery, But Not About Homosexuality

Evangelicals love to cherry-pick their scripture. They love to cite 'The Word of God' when it rails against homosexuality. "The Bible is quote clear," they'll tell you.

The Bible is quite clear about a lot of things that Christians have long dismissed: slavery, wearing blended fabrics, eating shellfish, executing people for petty offenses, etc.

Pat Robertson has a long history of hating gay people. "The Bible is so clear about homosexuality," he's said.

However, Pat, like many evangelical Christians, loves to cherry-pick.

"Despite what the Bible says, “We have moved in our conception of the value of human beings until we realized slavery was terribly wrong.”

Have we, Pat? It seems like just a few months ago, evangelicals were up in arms when Dan Savage suggested the same thing.

SAVAGE: We can learn to ignore the bullshit about gay people in the Bible the same way have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish about slavery, about dinner about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation. We ignore bullshit in the bible about all sorts of things. The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document. Slave owners waived Bibles over their heads during the civil war and justified it…We ignore what the Bible says about slavery because the Bible got slavery wrong.…If the Bible got the easiest moral question that humanity has ever faced wrong, slavery. What are the odds that the Bible got something as complicated as human sexuality wrong? 100 percent.

So, we have Pat Robertson admitting that the Bible was "terribly wrong" about slavery. To extend Pat's thoughts on the "value of human beings" idea into the treatment of the LGBT population doesn't seem to be much of a stretch, does it? It's not that radical a notion.

It will happen. Eventually. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait until bigoted dinosaurs like Pat Robertson die out.

Pat Robertson: Scientists "Can't Speculate About The Origins Of Life Because They Weren't There"

Pat Robertson doesn't think scientists can speculate about the origins of life 'because they weren't there.' In the same breath, he also says it's okay to believe a 'geologist who tells you something existed 300 million years ago.'

Come again, Pat?

And, of course, it's also okay to believe the Genesis origin story that was written by guys who weren't there.

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Pastor Gives God's State Of The Union

Pastor,  and prop aficionado, Steven Andrew

Pastor Steven Andrew, who recently blessed us with his overtly-theocratic and grammatically offensive Christian Voters Guide, delivered God's State of the Union address yesterday. (The video of the address can be viewed below.)

So, not only are Americans entitled to a GOP rebuttal, we also get to hear God's.

Or at least God as he speaks through Pastor Andrew (which is, apparently, speaking in a Mister Rogers tone, but with a slight lisp, and surrounded by props).

Andrew begins his address with a prayer:

Heavenly Father, we come before you in Jesus' name, and father we ask, what is your state of the union. What do you want to tell Americans? Father, we look to you. You are our God, and we thank you now for answering us."

Andrew then spends some time telling us that America is a Christian nation, as he is wont to do. You see, in Andrew's view, non-Christians are not Americans. And there's certainly no place for homosexuals here, either.

What kind of God is willing to overlook a lukewarm church? A God who is willing to overlook a nation that has taken God out of government, schools, and courts? A God who is willing to overlook the sins of taking the holy bible and Christian prayer of school. A god who is willing to overlook 53+ million abortions?...But the blood of Jesus Christ is able to cleanse our nation and each individual who has been partaking of those abortions.

There is forgiveness for you and there's forgiveness for America through Jesus Christ. And also a God who's willing to overlook the sexual and homosexual sins that have been in the United States of America. Can you imagine a love so great?

Now I also want to ask you to look at a God who's willing to forgive Americans for foreign gods. God is a jealous God and yet the blood of Jesus says that He will forgive us as we repent from foreign gods.

Did you know that 80% of Americans say are Christians today? We have always been a Christian nation and we always will be a Christian nation. The reason is because we are a covenant Christian nation. You can't break a covenant.

Now, also look at a God willing to forgive all the Christians and Catholics who have voted for ungodly people, like Barack Obama, or for a Mormon cult member like Mitt Romney.

In an interview with The Christian Post, Andrew was asked about his belief that Obama is ungodly. He stated that Obama is a "wolf in sheep's clothing."

"What is Obama's fruit? His fruit is taking God out of government, lying that we're not a Christian nation, leaving living babies alone to die who survive botched abortions, repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell...this is his fruit. So according to our Lord Jesus Christ, Obama's a wolf in sheep's clothing. It doesn't matter what he says."

Andrew believes that Obama was trying to turn George Washington's "Christian law into a non-Christian law," in regards to repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell.

"Ever since the beginning of the USA, homosexual sin has been outlawed in the military and the reason is because we want God to bless us in the military. And now for the first time in America people are trying to change into non-Christian ways," he said.

"Obama is against Christ...he's trying to break our covenant with God. The greatest evil anyone can do is leading a nation away from Jehovah."

Regarding Mitt Romney as "cult member," Andrew's USA Christian Ministries stated the following in a press release:

To help Christians understand the Mormon election issue [Andrew] has written "Five Mormon Cult Errors." The errors are Mormons: 1) deny God, 2) preach another gospel, 3) hide the cross, 4) have occult practice and 5) are anti-Christian.

"Many people know that Mormons teach heresies like Jesus is the spirit brother of Lucifer. But do people know voting for Romney will bring God's judgment (2 Chronicles 19:2)?" he adds. "Voting for Romney or Obama who do not follow God causes the economy to decline and removes Christian freedoms (Deuteronomy 28, Leviticus 26).

"If you love Jesus Christ, you won't vote for Mormon Romney," he adds."

Regarding homosexuality, here are some gems from Pastor Andrew, in his own words:

God created male and female. He shows us that there is a difference between the holy ways of one man and one woman lifelong marriage and the unholy ways of fornication, adultery and homosexual sin. God says that when people commit sexual immorality, they “defile My holy name” and a nation doing so is “defiled.”

God and history show us that God destroys homosexual societies.

Be careful you are not deceived. Some are lying about what our Founding Fathers believed on sexual sin. The truth is answered with this question: Who made the laws making homosexual sin illegal in the USA? Our Founding Fathers, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson… made homosexual sin illegal in all thirteen colonies, followed by all fifty states. Why? They obeyed God. They were modest and preferred not to say the word “sodomy” so they called the sin “a crime not fit to be named”. George Washington removed by court martial homosexuals out of the military to have God’s blessing.

You have to decide are you on God’s side and our Founding Fathers’ side or are you on sin’s side. You can’t support both. Which side are you on?

In God's State of the Union, Andrew wraps up with a quick prayer, and a sales pitch to purchase his book.

Televangelist To Glenn Beck: 'Glee' Being Used By 'Powers In The Realm Of Darkness' To 'Deceive' & 'Bring Us Down'

While Glenn Beck and his guest, televangelist James Robison, certainly agree that the talent on display in 'Glee' is "staggering" and "brilliant," it appears that they also believe all that singing and dancing is the work of Old Scratch himself.

Robison, the founder of Life Outreach International, appeared on Beck's show last week and stated that the wonderfully talented actors and singers on 'Glee' are being used by the "principalities and powers in the realm of darkness and deception" to "deceive and really to bring us down, away from God, away from truth."

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Pastor Steven Andrew's 'Christian Voting Guide'

How many more props can I cram into this shot?

Pastor Steven Andrew, president of USA Christian Ministries and author of Making A Strong Christian Nation has just published his Christian Voting Guide.

Andrew is one of several evangelical pastors who have recently chastised Franklin Graham and Joel Osteen for saying that it's okay for a Christian to vote for a Mormon.

How exactly does Pastor Andrew think a good Christian should vote?

"God shows Christians who to vote for. He has four main voting requirements," states Andrew.

Every person we vote for is expected to have these Biblical qualities:

1) Rules in the fear of God - Fears God, reverent of God

2) Able - Strength, efficiency, wealth and leader of the army

3) Person of truth - Reliable, stable, faithful, true doctrine

4) Hating covetousness - Hater of unjust gain (bribes and other frauds)

If a person doesn’t have all four qualities, they don’t meet God’s standard. Would you agree that a God-fearing person obeys God’s laws found in the Holy Bible and brings others who fear God into government appointments? An unprincipled person brings the wicked who disobey God in leadership.

Andrew goes on to stress the need for a Christian theocracy:

We are to welcome God to all government, schools and courts. The first act of Congress was to read the Holy Bible and pray in Jesus’ name. We are to bring back the Holy Bible and Christian prayer in schools as the settlers, George Washington and our Founding Fathers did for 355 years (1607 – 1962). We are to have pro-life laws and we are to keep God’s marriage of one man and one woman in lifetime covenant.

He states, "The First Amendment means Christianity only, not other beliefs. This is the intent of our Christian Founding Fathers."

So, if you are a tax-paying Jew, Muslim, atheist, agnostic, Unitarian, Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan, etc., you're not welcome here.

Obviously making a case for Michele Bachmann, Andrew states, "While God calls men to lead the USA, the Bible shows that if there isn’t a God fearing man, then a God-fearing woman can be chosen as in the book of Judges when Deborah arose, judged and led the people to victory."

Andrew had been pushing Bachmann and Santorum, but with Bachmann out of the running, is left hailing Santorum as the most God-fearing presidential candidate.

Andrew doesn't mince words when analyzing the remaining candidates:

Ron Paul

"Pray for Ron Paul to seek God first, then Christian freedom...Ron Paul is good at exposing corruption and resisting tyranny, as our Founding Fathers say to do. But Ron Paul voted to put homosexual sin in the military. Paul needs to publicly repent for erroneoulsy believing that God gives the right to sin... Prosperity and freedom are the fruit of obeying God. They don’t come by a libertarian belief that wants freedom but not God.

Newt Gingrich

"While Newt Gingrich is not as bad as a Mormon who has a different gospel (Mitt Romney) or Rick Perry who has betrayed the USA, or Barack Hussein Obama who covers Jesus’ cross and name at Georgetown and who says to leave a living baby to die who survives an abortion, Newt Gingrich is not God’s best for the USA.

1) Newt Gingrich endorsed the homosexual and abortion candidate in NY’s 23rd in 2010 instead of Hoffman, who is more God-fearing. Hoffman may have won if Gingrich did what was right before the Lord. On top of this, voter fraud was discovered and Gingrich did not defend Hoffman.

2) Newt Gingrich would not get rid of all “Government Healthcare” that harms Americans with inferior care, higher costs, “death panels” and other non-Christian things.

3) Reports to be confirmed say Newt Gingrich would help illegal aliens who then vote for anti-God and anti-USA issues, like Obama. This means American citizens are harmed.

4) Newt Gingrich filmed with Nancy Pelosi for the hoax of “Climate Change”.

5) Newt Gingrich has been married three times. What are Gingrich’s loyalty and leadership skills?"

Rick Perry
Andrew has many reasons why Perry is unworthy of the Christian vote. Among them:

"Like obama, Perry signed a hom*os*exual activists “Hate Crimes” law that mocks God and favors sinful sexual “orientations” that God and our Founding Fathers forbid." [Note Andrew's lower-case spelling of Obama, repeated elsewhere.]

"Rick Pery said that Texas can secede from the USA, but God wants the USA to unite in Christ not divide. A “president” doesn’t break up the #1 nation in the world."

"Rick Perry mandated that young girls be vaccinated with Gardasil that killed other girls. But wouldn’t obeying God in abstinence protect girls from sexual diseases?"

"Rick Perry refused to stop obama and tsa’s “sexual assault” and groping at Texas airports when a super majority in the Texas Congress wanted to stop the “sexual assualts”. Rick Perry doesn’t stand up for God’s unalienable rights of personal modesty in our Declaration of Independence."

"Rick Perry campaigned for Al Gore."

Mitt Romney

"Mitt Romney is a Mormon. Mormon’s are secretive, exclusive, do not display the cross and deny the real Jesus Christ His Gospel."

"Romney also did “Government Healthcare” like obama’s"

"Brought Massachusetts away from God, with homosexual sin."

Barack Obama
As if we needed to know Andrew's views on Obama, he provides a laundry list of reasons why Obama is not someone real Christians should support:

"According to Jesus Christ we see that Barack Hussein Obama is not a Christian by his fruit. Jesus warns of wolves in sheep’s clothing."

"Covered Jesus’ name and cross at Georgetown"

"Advocates to leave living babies to die who survive botched abortions"

"Has the blood of millions of aborted babies on his hands"

"Mocks God with sexual and homosexual sin"

"Follows Saul Alynski who dedicates books to Lucifer"

"Called Americans “enemies” in October 2010"

"Mocked God and our Founding Fathers by removing the references to God in the Declaration of Independence when quoting it"

"Lied about the USA’s national motto that it wasn’t “In God We Trust”"

"Lied that the USA is not a Christian Nation. To try to separate a nation from God is the greatest evil to a nation."

"Has broken the law: DOMA, War Powers Act, allowed Mexicans 70 miles into Arizona, “czars”, NDAA removing “due process”, no proof of Constitutional eligibility, worked against the USA constitution…"

"Works against the interest of Americans (“Government Healthcare”, “Hate Crimes”, “ENDA”, “Stimulus”…)"

Based on his writings, I believe we can conclude the following about Pastor Steven Andrew:
"Completely batshit."

"Consistently exhibits terrible grammar and a horrible understanding of constitutional law."

"Cherry-picks his scripture and his US history equally."

"Could really use a fact-checker."

"Creepy as hell."

Bill Keller: Joel Osteen A 'Gutless Coward' & An 'Idiot' For Defending Romney's 'Fantastical Beliefs'

Televangelist and host of Live Prayer, Bill Keller, has launched an attack against Joel Osteen and Franklin Graham for promoting Mitt Romney and failing to expose Mormonism as a cult.

“They are looked up to as prominent Christian leaders,” Keller said in an interview with The Christian Post. “When you have someone like Franklin Graham going on CNN and saying he has no problem voting for a Mormon like Mitt Romney and Osteen saying Mormons are Christian, it is clear that politics are being put before the eternal soul of man.”

Keller went on to claim that Christians are becoming 'illiterate' about their own faith, and that if they would only read the Book of Mormon they would see the cult's 'fantastical' beliefs:

“Mormons say they are Christians but they do not believe that Jesus was a deity. They believe God was once man and Jesus was conceived sexually. That goes against the basic Christian beliefs. Scientology, Kaballah - they do not pretend to be Christians.”

“Mitt Romney is a temple worshiper, which comes from Messianic beliefs. They believe the Bible is incomplete. They believe in the founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, and wearing magical underwear will protect them from evil.”

Perhaps Keller has not read his own holy book, in which the son of God is born to a virgin, walks on water, raises the dead, turns water into wine, is crucified and resurrected, and ascends bodily into heaven.

Pat Robertson Ruminates On Time, God Speaks to Jim Bakker & Rick Joyner Via Thunder

Today is a banner news day for televangelist batshittery.

Here we have Pat Robertson ruminating on precognition and the mystery of time:




And if that didn't blow your mind, sit back and watch as God speaks to Jim Bakker and Rick Joyner through thunder:




You're welcome.