Becoming Nicole: The story of a quintessentially Maine family

I grew up in the American South ("from away," as Mainers say), an area not often characterized as tolerant or progressive. In my mind, Maine, along with the rest of New England, was a relative oasis of reason and liberal-mindedness. This characterization was partly due to stereotypes about the Northeast, and partly due to actual statistics.

I remember reading about the Nicole Maines case, in which the Orono school district was sued in 2009 for not allowing the transgender fifth-grader to use the girls’ bathroom. (As most readers will know, Maine’s high court ruled in 2014 that the school administrators violated anti-discrimination laws, ensuring equal treatment regardless of sexual orientation or gender identification.) 

As a North Carolinian who had just seen a hateful same-sex marriage ban enshrined in the state constitution, two things struck me about this case. First, it seemed incredibly brave for a fifth-grader to identify openly as transgender (and for her family to support her). Secondly, it seemed so very un-Maine for a school to discriminate against a transgender fifth-grader.

The story of Nicole Maines’ (and her family’s) struggle for acceptance (wonderfully told in Amy Ellis Nutt’s Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family)  is a similar to many stories of civil rights struggles we have seen over and over – a struggle to change attitudes that are often rooted in the fear of otherness. It is the story of combatting ignorance about a very real human condition through education, determination, and outreach. Ultimately, however, it is about persevering, standing for what is right, and staying true to who we are – and doing anything and everything possible to protect our own.

While the Maineses are "from away," their surname seems incredibly apt in the context of their story, their perseverance, and their commitment to leading the way. Dirigo, indeed.

“The hardships of life in Maine have made many of the state’s communities very close-knit. People there are ready to help when a neighbor has a problem.” – Maine, Terry Allan Hicks
Nicole Maines’ story could not be a better example of “taking care of one’s own,” a phrase that resonates strongly with Mainers. While the Maineses had to fight a protracted legal battle over discrimination, it's important to note that there were many helpful Mainers along the way who were supportive of the family and of Nicole's gender identity -- including some school administrators, neighbors, and friends. After Nicole (Wyatt, until she publicly began asserting her gender identity) finally wore a dress in 5th grade, classmates said "It's about time."

Nicole’s twin brother Jonas was as protective of his sister as a brother can be. He kept an eye on Nicole at school, always at the ready in the case that Nicole was bullied. When the family was forced to move to King Middle School, where they did not initially disclose Nicole’s transgender status (going stealth, as Nicole called it), Jonas actively protected Nicole's history, often at the expense of his own social life. (Jonas even got into a fight over his sister.) When their father was still not quite accepting of Nicole’s gender identity, it was soft-spoken Jonas who said to his father, “Face it, Dad, you have a son and a daughter.”

Kelly, Nicole’s mother, was the quintessential Maine grizzly mama, taking the lead in ensuring Nicole’s well-being no matter the cost, eventually uprooting Nicole and separating the family so that Nicole could attend school in Portland. It was Kelly who researched gender issues exhaustively, soaking up every bit of information she could to aid in her protection of Nicole (and of the family). Kelly was a problem solver. Early in Nicole’s life, Kelly knew that she needed to devote herself to ensuring the safety of her family, and she was relentless in this devotion.
“Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.” - Henry Wadsorth Longfellow

Wayne Maines, like many Maine fathers, was devoted to supporting his family financially, and ensuring that no matter what, they always had a roof over their heads, clothes to wear, and food to eat. Although he was reluctant to accept that Nicole’s gender identity was nothing more than a phase for quite some time, he listened, he learned, he evolved, and finally accepted that his son was indeed a daughter. Nowhere along the way did he love her any less, and his vow to keep her safe never faltered. In a state that has long tradition of rugged masculinity, strength, and resilience, Wayne proves that strength can be exhibited in many ways, whether it be a Republican Air-Force veteran dancing with Nicole at the school father-daughter dance, testifying before the Maine Legislature, or becoming a voice in the effort to protect other trans youth.

As Maine goes, so goes the nation.

"I had to live this journey for 10 years to understand it," Wayne told The Associated Press. "Putting ourselves out there...is important so other parents don't have to take 10 years to understand it."

Describing the book in his own words at Bowdoin College this past October, Wayne Maines said the book “is not just about Nicole Maines, it’s about a family, a blue-collar family that tried to do better.”

That's Maine for you.

Harry Crews (1935-2012)

Southern writer Harry Crews died Wednesday, March 28. He was 76 years old.

Harry Crews is one of those literary figures whom people either know very well or not at all. If you have read Harry Crews, it is likely that you have devoured most everything he put to paper. Some of it was not so great, but some of it is some of the most visceral, terrifying, and hilarious writing that has ever come out of the South.

I count his memoir, Childhood: The Biography of a Place, among one of the best pieces of Southern writing, period. It is here that we learn where Crews developed his empathy for the scarred, the grotesque, and the physically challenged. Harry Crews, for part of his childhood, was all of those things.

Playing as a young boy, Crews fell into a vat of boiling water with a dead hog. He suffered, confined to a bed for months with severe burns.

Crews also was bed-ridden for six weeks at the age of five, when his legs inexplicably tightened up (it is believed he had Polio), pulling his heels to the backs of his thighs.

I believe that we gain empathy through our own suffering. Perhaps I want to believe this because in childhood, I dealt with a handful of afflictions, mental and physical, which left me exposed to ridicule and scorn. Granted, I was fortunate enough to not live in south rural Georgia in the 1930's (my childhood was a dream compared to Crews'), but through these trials I developed a heightened sense of empathy that I carry with me to this day.

Harry Crews, through his wild, campy, gothic stories and outlandish casts of characters, taught us a great deal. He taught us that freaks are just as human as anyone else. He taught us that what we often see as personal defects are quite often our greatest assets. He taught us that our desire to be accepted and loved will lead us to ruin if we are not grounded. He taught us that no matter what snake oil is being peddled, and no matter how slick the peddler, we would do well to question the claims.

In many ways, Harry Crews was a skeptic. He wrote a great deal about religion -- there was the charismatic, but highly flawed faith healing Evangelical in 'The Gospel Singer,' the snake-handlers in 'A Feast of Snakes' to name a few -- but a running theme throughout all of his books was the search for the truth.

“I think all of us are looking for that which does not admit of bullshit," said Crews in an interview. "If you tell me you can bench press 450, hell, we'll load up the bar and put you under it. Either you can do it or you can't do it—you can't bullshit.”

The loss of Harry Crews is a great loss for Southern literature, for the South, and for literature, period. He was a huge inspiration to me. He dished out a lot of tough love. Through his own personal trajectory, he reminded me that anyone can create art if they work hard enough. He reminded me that a life in which we don't continuously seek the truth is a life that has not been lived fully.

As a tribute to Crews, I have collected some of my favorite Crews passages and quotes from interviews:

"I know what it's like to have people look at you and [have] their face mirror your own rather dreadful circumstances. That is to say, your freakishness. And there were other times I felt freakish, too. ... When I left the farm and went into the Marines. Here I am, a boy off a farm in Georgia, who, among other things, I didn't know what a pizza was. Never heard of one. Didn't know what pepperoni was. So I go to Paris Island and the Marine Corps, in a platoon of boys from New Jersey, New York. Well, everything about my speech, the idiom of my speech was all wrong."

“I first became fascinated with the Sears catalogue because all the people in its pages were perfect. Nearly everybody I knew had something missing, a finger cut off, a toe split, an ear half-chewed away, an eye clouded with blindness from a glancing fence staple. And if they didn't have something missing, they were carrying scars from barbed wire, or knives, or fishhooks. But the people in the catalogue had no such hurts. They were not only whole, had all their arms and legs and eyes on their unscarred bodies, but they were also beautiful.”
― A Childhood: The Biography of a Place

“If you wait until you got time to write a novel, or time to write a story, or time to read the hundred thousands of books you should have already read - if you wait for the time, you will never do it. ‘Cause there ain’t no time; world don’t want you to do that. World wants you to go to the zoo and eat cotton candy, preferably seven days a week.”

"A writer's job is to get naked, to hide nothing, to look away from nothing, to look at it. To not blink, to not be embarrassed by it or ashamed of it. Strip it down and let's get to where the blood is, where the bone is."

"When I first got out of the Marine Corps, I travelled with a circus for about six months, and it had a freakshow. One guy had a deformity in the middle of his forehead that looked just like an eye, so they billed him as Cyclops. And there was a woman with a beard—I don't mean just fuzz, I mean a black beard. They let me sleep in the back of the trailer, and I remember one morning seeing them alone together. I could cry right now because it was just so sweet. He was kissing her, and she was hugging him, and they were talking about what they were going to have for supper. Now, how is that being a freak? I think it's a man and a woman doing the best they can with what they got. That, incidentally, is my definition of fiction."

"Survival is triumph enough."

Penn Jillette's 10 Commandments For Non-Believers

Penn Jillette writes in his book God, No! about how he responded to a challenge from Glenn Beck to come up with 10 commandments for non-believers.

I wanted to see how many of the ideas that many people think are handed down from (G)od really make sense to someone who says, ‘I don't know.'

I've argued here before that the Ten Commandments of the Bible are not really such a great guide to morality. We would actually do well to follow one: Always act to minimize the suffering and increase the well-being of living things. But of course, The One Commandment doesn't command the authority that we seem to get from a decalogue.

Here's Penn's list. It's actually quite nice.

1. The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.

2. Do not put things or even ideas above other human beings. (Let's scream at each other about Kindle versus iPad, solar versus nuclear, Republican versus Libertarian, Garth Brooks versus Sun Ra — but when your house is on fire, I'll be there to help.)

3. Say what you mean, even when talking to yourself. (What used to be an oath to (G)od is now quite simply respecting yourself.)

4. Put aside some time to rest and think. (If you're religious, that might be the Sabbath; if you're a Vegas magician, that'll be the day with the lowest grosses.)

5. Be there for your family. Love your parents, your partner, and your children. (Love is deeper than honor, and parents matter, but so do spouse and children.)

6. Respect and protect all human life. (Many believe that “Thou shalt not kill” only refers to people in the same tribe. I say it's all human life.)

7. Keep your promises. (If you can't be sexually exclusive to your spouse, don't make that deal.)

8. Don't steal. (This includes magic tricks and jokes — you know who you are!)

9. Don't lie. (You know, unless you're doing magic tricks and it's part of your job. Does that make it OK for politicians, too?)

10. Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.

One could do much worse.

The Catholic Church's $2.4 Billion Bookstore Peddles Loads Of Smut

Vögelbar (Fuckable)

German bookseller, Weltbild, sells quite a bit of smut. If you're looking for a copy of “Anwaltshure” (Lawyer’s Whore), “Vögelbar” (Fuckable), “Schlampen-Internat” (Sluts’ Boarding School), or “Sag Luder Zu Mir!” (Call Me Slut!), Weltbild has you covered.

While it's not unusual for a bookseller to sell erotica, there's something a little different about Weltbild. The company employs 6,400 people, has an annual turnover of €1.7 billion ($2.4 billion), and is second only to Amazon in German book sales.

It's also 100% owned by the Catholic Church.

This month, Buchreport, a German industry newsletter, reported that the church-owned bookseller lists over 2,500 erotic books for sale.

The church also owns Blue Panther Books, and a 50% share of Droemer Knaur, both of which publish pornographic materials. So, not only does the Catholic Church sell porn, they produce it.

Papal Porn

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

Whoops.

Full report, in German, here.

Pat Buchanan's Fanatical Bigotry Tour

Paleoconservative (and Paleolithic) blowhard Pat Buchanan is currently on the road promoting his new book, Suicide of a Superpower: Will America Survive to 2025?

I am not going to pretend to have read Pat's book. Luckily, there are others out there willing to take one for the team.

Talking Points Memo recently compiled Twelve Pretty Racist Or Just Crazy Quotes From Pat Buchanan’s New Book, which includes the following gems:

If [conservative political commentator Heather] Mac Donald’s statistics are accurate, 49 of every 50 muggings and murders in New York are the work of minorities. That might explain why black folks have trouble getting a cab. Every New York cabby must know the odds, should he pick up a man of color at night.

Perhaps some of us misremember the past. But the racial, religious, cultural, social, political, and economic divides today seem greater than they seemed even in the segregation cities some of us grew up in.
Back then, black and white lived apart, went to different schools and churches, played on different playgrounds, and went to different restaurants, bars, theaters, and soda fountains. But we shared a country and a culture. We were one nation. We were Americans.

The white population will begin to shrink and, should present birth rates persist, slowly disappear. Hispanics already comprise 42 percent of New Mexico’s population, 37 percent of California’s, 38 percent of Texas’s, and over half the population of Arizona under the age of twenty. ……. Mexico is moving north. Ethnically, linguistically, and culturally, the verdict of 1848 is being overturned. Will this Mexican nation within a nation advance the goals of the Constitution—to “insure domestic tranquility” and “make us a more perfect union”? Or has our passivity in the face of this invasion imperiled our union?

There's more where that came from.

And here's Pat on LGBT equality:

A nation dedicated to the proposition that all are equal and entitled to equal rewards must end up constantly discriminating against its talented tenth, for that is the only way a free society can guarantee social and economic equality. And consider the costs incurred, the injustices done, the freedoms curtailed--all in the name of equality.

Can anyone believe this absurd notion of equality was intended by or written into the constitution by the Congress that produced the 14th Amendment? Although gay marriage has been rejected in 31 states in referenda, judges continue to declare that such unions be treated as marriages. An idea of equality rejected democratically by voters is being imposed dictatorially.

In December 2010, a repudiated liberal Congress imposed its San Francisco values on the armed forces by ordering homosexuals admitted to all branches of the service. Indoctrination of recruits, soldiers, and officers into an acceptance of the gay life style will transfer authority over the military, the most respected institution in America, to agents of a deeply resented and widely detested managerial state.

Media Matters has compiled highlights from Patty's talk show appearances surrounding his book tour, where he has been "defending his past anti-LGBT bigotry, knowingly appearing on a pro-white radio show, and refusing to disavow genetic theories of racial superiority and inferiority."

God: 'It Getteth Better'

As you may have heard, God will be releasing his first tome in 1,400 years on November 1, with help from David Javerbaum, the 11-time Emmy Award-winning former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show and the coauthor of America: The Book and Earth: The Book.

As a teaser for The Last Testament: A Memoir, God has released his "It Getteth Better" video.

God Releases 'Last Testament,' Tells of Adam & Steve

For those of you who have wondered why God has been on literary hiatus for 1,400 years, you will be pleased to know that a new tome is on the way.

The Last Testament: A Memoir, by God (with help from former executive producer of The Daily Show, David Javerbaum) will be available November 1.

In this new Good Book, God addresses several important topics, such as why He loves America, what He listens for in a good prayer, and which celebrities "are totally gay."

Most importantly, God finally reveals how he handles all those sports-related prayers.

He writes:

And so that is why I have never, ever, ever, influenced the outcome of a sporting event to determine the winner. 

I have only, on extremely rare occasions, influenced the outcome of a sporting event to affect the spread.

But perhaps most shocking to readers will be God's story of Adam and Steve, "the real first couple."

The Advocate has excerpted this story for your reading pleasure. It begins:

1 To resume:

2 It is often said — and even more often screamed at anti–gay marriage rallies outside the statehouse in Lansing — that I created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

3 Wrong.

4 Now will I tell the story of the first man, Adam; and of the companion I fashioned for him, Steve; and of the great closeting that befell their relationship.

5 For after I created the earth, and sea, and every plant and seed and beast of the field and fowl of the air, and had the place pretty much set up, I saw that it was good;

6 But I also saw, that by way of oversight it made good administrative sense to establish a new middle‑managerial position.

7 So as my final act of Day Six, I formed a man from the dust of the ground, and breathed life into his nostrils; and I called him Adam, to give him a leg up alphabetically.

8 And lo, I made him for my image; not in my image, but for my image; because with Creations thou never gettest a second chance to make a first impression;

9 And so in fashioning him I sought to make not only a responsible planetary caretaker, but also an attractive, likeable spokesman who in the event of environmental catastrophe could project a certain warmth.

10 To immediately assess his ability to function in my absence, I decided to change my plans; for I had intended to use Day Seven to infuse the universe with an innate sense of compassion and moral justice; but instead I left him in charge and snoozed.

11 And Adam passed my test; yea, he was by far my greatest achievement; he befriended all my creatures, and named them, and cared for them; and tended the Garden most skillfully; for he had a great eye for landscape design.

12 But I soon noticed he felt bereft in his solitude; for oft he sighed, and pined for a helpmeet; and furthermore he masturbated incessantly, until he had well‑nigh besplattered paradise.

13 So one night I caused him to fall into a deep sleep; fulsomely did I roofie his nectar; and as he slept, I removed a rib, though not a load‑bearing one.

14 And from this rib I fashioned a companion for him; a hunk, unburdened by excess wisdom; ripped, and cut, and hung like unto a fig tree before the harvest;

15 Yea, and a power bottom.

16 And Adam arose, and saw him, and wept for joy; and he called the man Steve; I had suggested Steven, but Adam liked to keep things informal.

17 And Adam and Steve were naked, and felt no shame; they knew each other, as often as possible; truly their loins were a wonderland.

18 And they were happy, having not yet eaten of the Tree of the Knowledge That Your Lifestyle Is Sinful.

Continue the story of Adam & Steve here at The Advocate.

In addition, the chapter on sports can be read at Scribd.

'The Magic Of Reality': Richard Dawkins' Science Book For All Ages

No matter what you think of Richard Dawkins, he has an extraordinary gift for explaining science's complexities in a way that anyone can easily understand. I credit him, along with Jerry Coyne, David Sloane Wilson, and others, with helping me (an English major who did never had much interest in science, and who can't recall hearing about evolution in school) to really grasp the complexity and beauty of evolution.

After several wonderful books written for adults, including The Selfish Gene, The Greatest Show on Earth, and The Ancestor's Tale, Dawkins has undertaken the task of writing a sprawling, 272-page, illustrated science book for all ages. The book is called The Magic of Reality: How We Know What's Really True.

As the father of 3 very curious young boys, I'm excited to get a hold of this book. It seems perfect for reading and discussing with children, and for keeping readily available for those times when kids ask questions about how things work. I've been disappointed with much of the books presently out there for kids about science, specifically those that address evolution (with the exception of Daniel Loxton's wonderful illustrated book, Evolution: How We and All Living Things Came to Be). Dawkins' book will be a welcome addition to our shelves.

From the publisher:

Magic takes many forms. Supernatural magic is what our ancestors used in order to explain the world before they developed the scientific method. The ancient Egyptians explained the night by suggesting the goddess Nut swallowed the sun. The Vikings believed a rainbow was the gods' bridge to earth. The Japanese used to explain earthquakes by conjuring a gigantic catfish that carried the world on its back—earthquakes occurred each time it flipped its tail. These are magical, extraordinary tales. But there is another kind of magic, and it lies in the exhilaration of discovering the real answers to these questions. It is the magic of reality—science.

Packed with clever thought experiments, dazzling illustrations and jaw-dropping facts, The Magic of Reality explains a stunningly wide range of natural phenomena. What is stuff made of? How old is the universe? Why do the continents look like disconnected pieces of a puzzle? What causes tsunamis? Why are there so many kinds of plants and animals? Who was the first man, or woman? This is a page-turning, graphic detective story that not only mines all the sciences for its clues but primes the reader to think like a scientist as well.

Richard Dawkins, the world's most famous evolutionary biologist and one of science education's most passionate advocates, has spent his career elucidating the wonders of science for adult readers. But now, in a dramatic departure, he has teamed up with acclaimed artist Dave McKean and used his unrivaled explanatory powers to share the magic of science with readers of all ages. This is a treasure trove for anyone who has ever wondered how the world works. Dawkins and McKean have created an illustrated guide to the secrets of our world—and the universe beyond—that will entertain and inform for years to come.