Fifteen-year-old Jamie Hubley of Ottawa, Canada, documented the final month of his life on his Tumblr page, voicing in painful detail his struggle with depression and heartbreaking need for acceptance as an openly gay teenager.
“I wish I could be happy, I try, I try, I try ... I just want to feel special to someone,” he wrote.
The Ottawa Citizen reports:
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for Canadians between the ages of 10 and 24 and disproportionately affects gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth.
“From the outside, he looked like the happiest kid. He was always smiling and giving everybody hugs in the halls,” said Steph Wheeler, a close friend who had known Jamie since the pair were in figure skating together as children a decade ago.
But Wheeler, 16, knew the sensitive Grade 10 student was struggling with being out in high school and often felt the sting of verbal bullying.
A gifted actor and singer — he loved Lady Gaga, Adele and Katy Perry, and posted numerous videos of himself singing on his personal YouTube channel — Jamie wrote a month ago that he was looking forward to taking dance lessons this winter.
“Something to look forward to,” he wrote.
But he also wrote of his sadness and despair, about being called a “fag.”
In a post three weeks ago, he said he was depressed, that medications he was taking weren’t working, and that being gay in high school was so hard — a thousand times harder in real life than on the popular television show, Glee, which he loved.
“I hate being the only open gay guy in my school ... It f---ing sucks, I really want to end it,” he wrote.
On Friday, Jamie made his final blog post, which included the following words:
Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.
Being sad is sad : /. I’v been like this for way to long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant fucking stand any fucking thing.
I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either… I love my mom and dad : ) Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.
I hit rock fucking bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck.
Remember me as a Unicorn :3 x) MAybe in my next life Il be a flying squirreel :D
I'Il fly away.
I couldn't help but notice in the Ottawa Citizen article that Jamie's funeral will be held at Holy Redeemer Roman Catholic Church.
From the Catechism of the Catholic Church (emphasis mine):
[Homosexuality's] psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
Holy Redeemer Roman Catholic Church
Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.
I have no direct knowledge of this particular church's approach to the topic of homosexuality, nor do I have direct knowledge of Jamie's religious views, his parents' religious views, or the family's involvement with this particular church.
Regardless, Jamie's family and friends will pay tribute to Jamie's life in an church institution which undoubtedly contributed to his death.
Religious institutions, as well as the harmful words of religious leaders (or lack of supporting words) are complicit in anti-LGBT bullying.
One can hope that on Thursday, those officiating the funeral of Jamie Hubley at Holy Redeemer Roman Catholic Church, will use this opportunity to re-think their organization's attitudes on homosexuality. We will only see progress when we break from archaic and harmful ideologies of the past. Hopefully, the spearkers and congregants at Holy Redeemer Roman Catholic Church will not turn a blind eye to the dogma with which they are associated.
"Love the sinner, hate the sin," is no less harmful than outright hatred when one's sexuality is part of who they are.