Pat Robertson's Advice To Man With Marital Woes: Become A Muslim And Beat Her

How do the producers of the 700 Club continue to allow Pat Robertson to give advice?

“Well you could become a Muslim and beat her," said Robertson. "I don’t think we condone wife-beating these days but something has got to be done.”

Watch:

Pat Robertson: Democrats Are The 'Party Of Gays, Godlessness And Whatever Else'

It's gotten to the point that it would be newsworthy if Pat Robertson didn't say something completely insane in his broadcast. He's a broken record of bigotry, senility, and illogic.

That being said, Robertson is downright outraged that the Democratic platform openly embraces marriage equality and the right to abortion.

Robertson, speaking on The 700 Club:

Back in the 1850s or 60s there was a charge that one party was the party of rum, Romanism and rebellion. I don’t know what you label the Democrats now but it’s the party of gays, godlessness and whatever else. I mean, same-sex marriage is in the platform, they want to go along with that as a right, I’m just astounded.
…
They can’t defend it and you ask yourself, you’re going to go before the American people and that’s going to be the face they’re going to present to America. You have insulted the Catholic Church with your rules, you have insulted right-to-work states, you have insulted certain union groups with your stand on the pipeline and now you’re going after God, it makes no sense but that’s what they want to do.

Watch:

Robertson: The Bible Was 'Terribly Wrong' About Slavery, But Not About Homosexuality

Evangelicals love to cherry-pick their scripture. They love to cite 'The Word of God' when it rails against homosexuality. "The Bible is quote clear," they'll tell you.

The Bible is quite clear about a lot of things that Christians have long dismissed: slavery, wearing blended fabrics, eating shellfish, executing people for petty offenses, etc.

Pat Robertson has a long history of hating gay people. "The Bible is so clear about homosexuality," he's said.

However, Pat, like many evangelical Christians, loves to cherry-pick.

"Despite what the Bible says, “We have moved in our conception of the value of human beings until we realized slavery was terribly wrong.”

Have we, Pat? It seems like just a few months ago, evangelicals were up in arms when Dan Savage suggested the same thing.

SAVAGE: We can learn to ignore the bullshit about gay people in the Bible the same way have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish about slavery, about dinner about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation. We ignore bullshit in the bible about all sorts of things. The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document. Slave owners waived Bibles over their heads during the civil war and justified it…We ignore what the Bible says about slavery because the Bible got slavery wrong.…If the Bible got the easiest moral question that humanity has ever faced wrong, slavery. What are the odds that the Bible got something as complicated as human sexuality wrong? 100 percent.

So, we have Pat Robertson admitting that the Bible was "terribly wrong" about slavery. To extend Pat's thoughts on the "value of human beings" idea into the treatment of the LGBT population doesn't seem to be much of a stretch, does it? It's not that radical a notion.

It will happen. Eventually. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait until bigoted dinosaurs like Pat Robertson die out.

Pat Robertson: Scientists "Can't Speculate About The Origins Of Life Because They Weren't There"

Pat Robertson doesn't think scientists can speculate about the origins of life 'because they weren't there.' In the same breath, he also says it's okay to believe a 'geologist who tells you something existed 300 million years ago.'

Come again, Pat?

And, of course, it's also okay to believe the Genesis origin story that was written by guys who weren't there.

Watch:

Robertson: "Demonic Possession" Behind Homosexuality

Offered without comment:

Pat Robertson: Oral Sex Is Just Alright With Him

Pat Robertson wowed everyone last week with his assertion that marijuana should be legal.

He may actually be smoking it, because I don't quite know how else to explain this painfully awkward exchange about oral sex.

Watch:

Pat Robertson: God Told Me Who The Next President Is, But I'm Not Supposed To Tell You

The Nostradamus of our time.

Pat Robertson, who is batting below the Mendoza line in prophecy, has some new prophecies for 2012.

Pat speaks to the Lord on a regular basis, and gets all kinds of inside information. Kind of like Martha Stewart and Peter Bacanovic.

Today on the 700 Club, Pat passed on some of his inside info. He said that God told him who would be president (but he can't share that info). He also lets us in on the fact that God is not fond of Obama, and that we may be in for some economic hard times. Imagine that.

I spent the better part of a week in prayer and just saying, ‘God show me something,’ some things I’ll share with you. I think he showed me the next me the next president but I’m not supposed to talk about that so I’ll leave you in the dark—probably just as well—I think I’ll know who it will be. I’m going to read just as I wrote down as if I’m hearing from the Lord these words.

Your country will be torn apart by internal stress, a house divided cannot stand. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority, expect chaos and paralysis. Your president holds a view that is at odds with the majority, it’s a radical view of the future of this country, so that’s why we’re having this division. This is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer. The future of the world is at stake because if America falls, there’s no longer a strong champion of freedom and a champion of the oppressed of the world. There must be an urgent call to prayer. The Lord said, a time of maximum stress and peril, greater than at any time since the CBN ministry began. This country will begin disintegrating.

I started thinking, when did we start this place? We started CBN in 1960, you think of all the things that went on, you had the assassination of the president, assassination of Martin Luther King, you’ve got a war in Vietnam, you’ve got all these things, He is saying you will have worse stress than before. So I’m saying, God, let me give you some suggestions and you tell me if any of them is right, pick one. I said, is it an EMP blast? No that isn’t it. Is it a cosmic or solar or radiation blast? No. Is it Mayan galaxy alignment? No. Is it Iranian or North Korean nuclear threat? No. Is it an earthquake or a volcano? No. Is it a massive power failure? No. What is it? It’s an economic collapse. And God said, This is not my judgment, they are bringing it upon themselves.

Pat Robertson Ruminates On Time, God Speaks to Jim Bakker & Rick Joyner Via Thunder

Today is a banner news day for televangelist batshittery.

Here we have Pat Robertson ruminating on precognition and the mystery of time:




And if that didn't blow your mind, sit back and watch as God speaks to Jim Bakker and Rick Joyner through thunder:




You're welcome.

Skulls And Peace Symbols? Get Off Pat Robertson's Lawn!

Is your child going to hell?

Pat Robertson has increasingly become a parody of himself. He's so out of touch with society that you'd think he were an SNL invention if you didn't know better.

Just last week he was asking if mac & cheese was 'a black thing.'

This week, a viewer asked Pat if she should speak to her children about the symbols that she's seeing on her kids' clothing: peace symbols and skulls.

Of course, Pat responds, peace symbols are 'broken crosses' and skulls are 'symbols of death.'

Pat Robertson: 'Halloween Is Satan's Night'

Every fall, like clockwork, the leaves change, the Red Sox collapse, and the Christian Right starts freaking out about Halloween.

Just last week we revisited a classic example of religious Halloween paranoia. While that one's hard to beat, there's always someone willing to stick their neck out.

Enter Pat Robertson.

On the Sept. 27 broadcast of the 700 Club, Pat fielded a question from a viewer about how Christians should approach Halloween.

Pat says,"We don't believe in haunted. We don't believe in ghosts," apparently forgetting about that one crucial part of the Holy Trinity.

He continues: "Halloween is Satan's night! It's the night for the devil! It's the time when witches and goblins...like the dead rising..."

Okay, Pat. You say Christians don't believe in 'haunted.' They don't believe in 'ghosts.' But you believe that Halloween is 'Satan's night,' a night for the devil? We don't believe in devils at my house, Pat. We do believe in candy corn, however. Lots of it.

And speaking of zombies, Pat, Christianity has several of the most well-known examples of 'the dead rising' ever. Embrace the zombies, dude.

Back in your casket, Pat. You're scaring the children.

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 8.26.11

As we prepare for the impending winds and rain of Hurricane Irene, large swaths of the US are experiencing unseasonable, record-breaking crazy:

• Pat Robertson says the quake-induced crack in the Washington Monument is a sign from God. (Right Wing Watch)

• Rabbi Yehuda Levin blames the earthquake on gay marriage (it's always the gays, isn't it!) (Huffington Post)

• Cindy and Mike Jacobs: The earthquake was a sign from God and that it is a sign that Christians need to teach people about Jesus. (Right Wing Watch)

• Rick Perry compares homosexuality to alcoholism. (Think Progress)

• The 24-year-old man being held in last year’s firebombing of an Oregon mosque ranted about Muslims and referred to himself as a “Christian warrior,” according to documents released. (Sierra Vista Herald)

• Mission America's Linda Harvey: 'There's no proof' that LGBT people exist! (Right Wing Watch)

• Bryan Fischer has single-handedly disproved Darwin with a one-page blog post. (AFA)

• Bryan Fischer WILL NOT STOP his quest to have dominion over the bears! (AFA)

• Santorum: Gays can't marry, because a tree is not a car. (Towleroad)

• A list of 159 priests alleged to have abused children has been released by the Boston Archdiocese. (A little too late?) (Boston Globe)

• Rick Perry has joined Bachmann, Romney, and Santorum, in signing the uber-hateful anti-gay marriage pledge. (Towleroad)

• Joseph Farah, editor of World Nut Daily, has posted an editorial stating that marriage equality will "plunge" America into "the moral abyss of chaos and barbarism." (Right Wing Watch)

• Indiana state Rep. Phil Hinkle (R) admitted that he paid a young man $80 to have a good time, but insisted he isn’t gay and doesn’t know why he did it. (IndyStar)

• Peter LaBarbera says News Corp is pro-gay because it is "based in New York City, which is a gay Mecca." (OneNewsNow)

• In an extraordinary burst of hyperbole, homophobia, and Islamaphobia, NOM says gays have issued a‘fatwa,’ and are waging ‘jihad’ against Christians. (Think Progress)

• Renew America wonders if Obama is a demon. Really. (Renew America)

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 6.28.11

A whole buttload of crazy for you today:

• Rick Santorum: Liberals want marriage equality in order to ‘undermine faith' (ThinkProgress)

• Pat Robertson says God will destroy America because of gay marriage. (Right Wing Watch)

• Ohio state rep wants to ban abortion because China has too many smart kids (Right Wing Watch)

• Michele Bachmann's fans quickly revise Wikipedia entry for John Quincy Adams to match Bachmann's assertion that he was a Founding Father. (ThinkProgress) 

• Bryan Fischer weighs in on Michele Bachmann's "John Wayne" gaffe ... by claiming that all the Left is doing by mocking her is "reminding us of the clear connection between homosexuality and pedophilia." (Right Wing Watch)

• Bryan Fischer (he's on a roll!) says fidelity in gay relationships "just doesn't happen" and that it is common for gay men to have 500-1000 partners in their lifetimes (Right Wing Watch)

• An Oregon couple who treated their infant daughter with faith healing rather than take her to a doctor were sentenced to 90 days in jail and three years probation. (Oregon Live)

• N.Y. town clerk won't sign marriage licenses for same-sex couples. I suppose she should find a new job? (Daily Kos)

• Chuck Colson says that “the tyranny of tolerance” will drive America into a totalitarian state (Right Wing Watch)

• Catholic Church denies funeral mass to San Diego gay businessman (LGBT Weekly)

• Authorities find bomb apparently targeting immigrants in Arizona (SPLC Hatewatch)

• Michele Bachmann stands by claims that ‘Founding Fathers’ ended slavery (Raw Story)

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.25.11

• Multimillionaire hatemonger and failed doomsday prophet Pat Robertson's organization calls multimillionaire hatemonger and failed doomsday prophet Harold Camping a "Fringe Preacher." (CBN)

• A class on gender diversity "featuring all-girl geckos and transgender clownfish" at an Oakland, California elementary school has conservative groups in an uproar. What's next, asexual aphids? Oh, wait. (Towleroad)

• Oprah Winfrey, whose final interviewee is apparently Oprah Winfrey, reveals that "Nobody but Jesus could have made this happen for me." (Gather.com)

• Herman Cain never said he wouldn't have any Muslims in his administration. Except that one time when he did. (Right Wing Watch)

• Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback (R) says women should plan ahead for rape: "I have a spare tire." (ThinkProgress)

• Peter Fonda is training his grandchildren to use rifles. Why? "Well, I’m not going to say the words ‘Barack Obama’, but …” (Balloon Juice) 

• St. David Hasselhoff: The Hoff claims to have brought kids out of comas. (OpposingViews)

• The Arizona shooting that killed 6 and wounded Gabrielle Giffords? Just a government hoax using actors, says conspiracy theorists. (New York Times)

• Anti-vaxxers continue to fuck up herd immunity; their choice not to vaccinate affects those too young to receive the vaccination. (BoingBoing)