The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.18.11

Your daily bucket o' crazy:

• Kirk Cameron says Stephen Hawking is wrong about Heaven: "Why should anyone believe Mr. Hawking's writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that out of nothing, everything came?" Yes, Kirk, why would anyone believe something without evidence? Oh, wait. (TMZ)

• Harold Camping, the Christian broadcaster and President of Family Radio, the group claiming The Rapture is coming Saturday May 21, explains how it's all because of gay people. (Towleroad)

• The AFA's Bryan Fischer stated on his radio show that gays are literally Nazis and that they will "do the same thing to you that the Nazis did to their opponents in Nazi Germany." What a dick. (Right Wing Watch)

•  The following words actually came out of Newt Gingrich's mouth: “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” Is he a Jedi? (Firedoglake)

• Texas Governor and complete douchebag Rick Perry could make a run for president. *shudder*  (Religion Dispatches)

Korean Man Committed Suicide by Crucifixion

Via AFP:

A middle-aged South Korean taxi driver found dead on a crucifix after Easter weekend nailed himself to the cross, police said Tuesday, adding his deep religious faith helped him withstand the pain.

The body of the 58-year-old man surnamed Kim was found on May 1 on a wooden cross in an abandoned quarry in the central city of Mungyeong, with nails protruding through holes in his hands and feet.

He was wearing only underpants and a crown of thorns. He had a stab wound on his right waist and several whip marks in an apparent reconstruction of Christ's death.

How did he do it?

Forensic experts reconstructed the death based on notes found at the scene describing how to carry out a crucifixion, local police said, adding the handwriting matched Kim's.

They said Kim, standing on a small footrest on the cross, nailed his feet to the cross. He lashed his neck and chest before stabbing himself in the waist and piercing his hands with a power drill. Kim then apparently slipped his pierced hands over nails on the cross.

"We believe that deep religious faith made it possible to carry out the series of extraordinary actions involving extreme pain," police said, adding Kim died of suffocation and blood loss.

That's certainly one way to celebrate Easter.

Gingrich Showered With Rainbow Glitter: "Feel The Rainbow, Newt!"

Newt Gingrich was in town to address The Minnesota Family Council, a Religious Right organization with a strong focus on anti-gay activism. He signed books as part of the MFC's Annual Dinner.

Sexual Revolution Cited as Cause of Catholic Abuse Scandals

Via the New York Times:

A five-year study commissioned by the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops to provide a definitive answer to what caused the church’s sexual abuse crisis has concluded that neither the all-male celibate priesthood nor homosexuality were to blame. Instead, the report says, the abuse occurred because priests who were poorly prepared and monitored, and were under stress, landed amid the social and sexual turmoil of the 1960s and ’70s.

What else were these priests to do while everyone else was at Woodstock having sex with children?

Some Important Details on Saturday's Rapture

Some important new details to help you plan for this Saturday's rapture. According to one of Harold Camping's followers, the rapture will begin at approximately 6pm. I know lots of folks are busy on Saturdays with their children's soccer games and dinner plans, but don't worry about missing out on the start of the rapture. There will be a massive earthquake to let you know it's underway.

…"starting in the Pacific Rim at around the 6 p.m. local time hour, in each time zone, there will be a great earthquake, such as has never been in the history of the Earth," he says. The true Christian believers -- he hopes he's one of them -- will be  "raptured": They'll fly upward to heaven. And for the rest?

"It's just the horror of horror stories," he says, "and on top of all that, there's no more salvation at that point. And then the Bible says it will be 153 days later that the entire universe and planet Earth will be destroyed forever."

I suggest that people keep off of Twitter and Facebook to avoid any spoilers.

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.17.11

So much batshit, so little time. Here's your tub o' crazy for the day:

• Michele Bachmann’s Head-Banging, Gay-Bashing BFF: How the Minnesota lawmaker fell in with a controversial hair-metal evangelist (Mother Jones)

• Scott Walker's next battle: The WI governor takes on the state's domestic partnership law (Huffington Post)

• Totally insane rant about "The Homosexual Agenda and the US Military" (Canada Free Press)

• Glenn Beck Announces 'Restoring Courage' Rally In Jerusalem (Huffington Post)

• Jury selection begins for the case of the 15-year-old girl who was raped by a fellow church member and forced to stand before the congregation to apologize for getting pregnant. (MSNBC)

• The Botox beauty pageant girl has been taken into custody. (Daily Mail)

• The American Family Association (emphasis on the Ass) warns that a Harvey Milk Day could include "cross dressing contests" and "mock gay weddings" in our children's schools. (OneNewsNow)

• Malawi President Bingu Mutharika says gays are "worse than dogs." (BNL Times)

• Evolution denier and "free" credit report scammer Ben Stein thinks IMF chief Strauss-Kahn must be innocent, because economists usually don't commit sex crimes. (Wonkette)

Santorum in '12: A frothy mix for America

Finally, a GOP bumper sticker I would put on my car:

 

Get yours here.

(via JoeMyGod)