The Batshit Files: Post-Memorial Day Weekend News Roundup | 5.31.11

• A Vatican newspaper article says condom use may increase AIDS risk. I'm pretty sure someone also once died from being hit in the head with a life preserver while drowning. (Catholic News Service)

• A man who planned to kill Planned Parenthood doctor and clinic workers was arrested for accidentally shooting his gun in his hotel room. (Hatewatch)

• Bachmann: 'God called me to run for president.' The Lord smites in mysterious ways. (TPM)

•  Roger Ailes' bomb-proof office protects him from 'those gays.' (TPM)

• Christian community threatens violence against atheist student. (DailyKos)

• Where's The Birth Certificate? debuted at number 6 on the New York Times bestseller list (CNN)

• Ben Shapiro: Sesame Street has a liberal bias (Huffington Post)

Silver Bullet Gun Oil: Laced With Pig Fat to Deny Muslims Paradise

The Southern Poverty Law Center's Hatewatch blog reports on a mysterious company selling a product called Silver Bullet Gun Oil. The gun oil is targeted towards the US military, according to their dubious online pitch, and is laced with 13% pig fat with the intention of denying Muslims entrance to paradise.

The Website exclaims (in ridiculous overuse of ALL-CAPS):

SILVER BULLET GUN OIL, is a HIGHLY EFFECTIVE Counter-Islamic terrorist force multiplier. SILVER BULLET GUN OIL was designed specifically to put Demoralizing FEAR and TERROR into SUPPOSEDLY "Fearless" Islamo-Fascist terrorists. It was created with the "TRUE BELIEVER'' in mind. According to the Koran, Allah states, "Any of my followers contaminated by swine at the time of his death will be denied entry to my paradise forever, I HATE THE STENCH OF SWINE."

SILVER BULLET GUN OIL can be used in or on ALL weapons and weapons systems. Put a drop on the remains of ''suicide bombers'' for the same effect-No Paradise! FOR MAXIMUM IMPACT DOWNRANGE; USE ''SILVER BULLET'' AND MAKE SURE THE ISLAMO-FASCIST COWARDS KNOW IT!

The company makes the claim that their product has been used widely throughout the US Armed Forces and by police tactical teams.

It's important to note that the company (which lists no physical address or contacts) claims it isn't at all discriminatory:

THIS PRODUCT IS FOR USE ON ARMED MUSLIM TERRORISTS ONLY.
WE DO NOT PROMOTE DISCRIMINATION AGAINST ANY RACE OR RELIGION, ONLY TERRORISTS.

Upon seeing the Website, most would likely wonder if these guys are for real.  The folks at the SPLC wondered the same thing, and sent off for the oil:

The gun oil arrived in a box postmarked from Courtland, Va., a town of about 1,300 people 50 miles southwest of Norfolk. Included with the gun oil were decals and playing cards – the ace of spades printed with the words “One Shot, One Soul” to put on the bodies of dead Muslims. Also included in the package was a biography of a World War I American general who supposedly executed 49 Muslims in the Philippines with bullets soaked in pig’s blood.

A gentleman who goes by the name "The Midnight Rider," a self-proclaimed "Servant of Yaweh" has a lot to get off his chest.   A few paragraphs into his description of the company's production, he unleashes a wandering, page-long diatribe that would make Ted Nugent blush, featuring nuggets like the following:

"We the PEOPLE" are sick of playing with a bunch of COWARDLY Voodoo Heathen cave dwelling
baby murderers. Believe what you want for your so-called "Religion of PEACE" but DON'T try to make
AMERICANS believe the ravings of MOHAMMED the pedophile murderer,or his sycophant followers
who advocate the wholesale slaughter of women and children and non-believers in the Muslim
Sharia type of NAZISM.

LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND GO BACK TO YOUR HOMES OR HOVELS OR whatever SHITPIT you come from or SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE OF DEATH AND THE UNENDING PAIN OF ETERNAL HELL.

But let's be clear: they do not promote discrimination against any race or religion.

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.25.11

• Multimillionaire hatemonger and failed doomsday prophet Pat Robertson's organization calls multimillionaire hatemonger and failed doomsday prophet Harold Camping a "Fringe Preacher." (CBN)

• A class on gender diversity "featuring all-girl geckos and transgender clownfish" at an Oakland, California elementary school has conservative groups in an uproar. What's next, asexual aphids? Oh, wait. (Towleroad)

• Oprah Winfrey, whose final interviewee is apparently Oprah Winfrey, reveals that "Nobody but Jesus could have made this happen for me." (Gather.com)

• Herman Cain never said he wouldn't have any Muslims in his administration. Except that one time when he did. (Right Wing Watch)

• Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback (R) says women should plan ahead for rape: "I have a spare tire." (ThinkProgress)

• Peter Fonda is training his grandchildren to use rifles. Why? "Well, I’m not going to say the words ‘Barack Obama’, but …” (Balloon Juice) 

• St. David Hasselhoff: The Hoff claims to have brought kids out of comas. (OpposingViews)

• The Arizona shooting that killed 6 and wounded Gabrielle Giffords? Just a government hoax using actors, says conspiracy theorists. (New York Times)

• Anti-vaxxers continue to fuck up herd immunity; their choice not to vaccinate affects those too young to receive the vaccination. (BoingBoing)

The Batshit Files: News Roundup (Rapture Edition) | 5.20.11

Your daily tub o' crazy:

• The "Don't Say Gay" bill has passed in Tennessee senate in a 20-10 vote. Gay kids appear to still be gay. (The Advocate) 

• Rush Limbaugh says "The global warming people" are "almost identical" to the rapture people, which is almost identical to saying meteorologists are almost identical to palm readers. (Media Matters)

• Palin has a "fire in her belly" for possible White House run. Hopefully it's something she ate. (Fox News)

• Michele Bachmann's headbanging anti-gay BFF says Obama's not a Christian during MN House prayer. (Mother Jones) 

• Gingrich says young people should have to pass a history test before they are allowed to vote. If he knew his history, he would know that this would be illegal under the 1965 Voting Rights Act. (ThinkProgress)

• End Times enthusiast Tim LaHaye says Obama and Clinton are not Christians. They're Socialists. (Right Wing Watch)

• Bryan Fischer, the wart on the ass known as the AFA, says gay activists are the "number one perpetrators of hate crimes in America." (Right Wing Watch)

• Unattractive evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa may lose his job for his article stating "black women are significantly less physically attractive than women of other races."(Jezebel)

• It's official: Kentucky will grant tax incentives to the ark park. (NCSE)

• The 16-year-old NJ girl who challenged Michele Bachmann to a debate has been threatened with violence and called a "whore."  (KARE)

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.18.11

Your daily bucket o' crazy:

• Kirk Cameron says Stephen Hawking is wrong about Heaven: "Why should anyone believe Mr. Hawking's writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that out of nothing, everything came?" Yes, Kirk, why would anyone believe something without evidence? Oh, wait. (TMZ)

• Harold Camping, the Christian broadcaster and President of Family Radio, the group claiming The Rapture is coming Saturday May 21, explains how it's all because of gay people. (Towleroad)

• The AFA's Bryan Fischer stated on his radio show that gays are literally Nazis and that they will "do the same thing to you that the Nazis did to their opponents in Nazi Germany." What a dick. (Right Wing Watch)

•  The following words actually came out of Newt Gingrich's mouth: “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” Is he a Jedi? (Firedoglake)

• Texas Governor and complete douchebag Rick Perry could make a run for president. *shudder*  (Religion Dispatches)

The Batshit Files: News Roundup | 5.17.11

So much batshit, so little time. Here's your tub o' crazy for the day:

• Michele Bachmann’s Head-Banging, Gay-Bashing BFF: How the Minnesota lawmaker fell in with a controversial hair-metal evangelist (Mother Jones)

• Scott Walker's next battle: The WI governor takes on the state's domestic partnership law (Huffington Post)

• Totally insane rant about "The Homosexual Agenda and the US Military" (Canada Free Press)

• Glenn Beck Announces 'Restoring Courage' Rally In Jerusalem (Huffington Post)

• Jury selection begins for the case of the 15-year-old girl who was raped by a fellow church member and forced to stand before the congregation to apologize for getting pregnant. (MSNBC)

• The Botox beauty pageant girl has been taken into custody. (Daily Mail)

• The American Family Association (emphasis on the Ass) warns that a Harvey Milk Day could include "cross dressing contests" and "mock gay weddings" in our children's schools. (OneNewsNow)

• Malawi President Bingu Mutharika says gays are "worse than dogs." (BNL Times)

• Evolution denier and "free" credit report scammer Ben Stein thinks IMF chief Strauss-Kahn must be innocent, because economists usually don't commit sex crimes. (Wonkette)

Bryan Fischer (American Family Association): Obama Hates America and White People

Bryan Fischer, weighing in on the whole Common silliness, provides further evidence that he is completely batshit:

Michele Bachmann: Keep Your Hands Off America's Penises (But Control The Vaginas!)

Today, Michele Bachmann (R-Batshit) posted an article on her Facebook page about a potential ballot measure banning circumcision.  She writes: "Really? So much for "freedom to choose!""

Politifact's reigning Queen Pants-on-Fire apparently thinks the government should stay out of our pants. Except when they shouldn't. So much for "freedom to choose!"

To be fair, nobody ever said Michele Bachmann was consistent. Except for Politifact, I guess.